Day One Of The New Job.

These are my best approximations of some of the curious or interesting things that I overheard at work today. It was my first day at my new job.

Me: "What's behind this row of bookshelves?"
My Trainer: "I dunno, actually. A window? Maybe? I never looked."

"You get all of the Jewish holidays off, so that's good. Enjoy September!"

My Trainer: "This whole system is terribly, terribly out of date."
Me: "Yeah, the text looks like something from Wargames."
My Trainer: "I LOVE THAT MOVIE!"

My Trainer: "So, what do you think of Bush?"
Me: "I don't like him very much, actually."
My Trainer: "Do you hate him?"
Me: "No. I just don't like him very much. He's like the creepy uncle that I avoid at the family reunions."
My Trainer: "I think he's a lot smarter than people think he is. Dick Cheney, too."

My Trainer: "I don't think that there's a camera behind that. It's mainly in place so that you can see down the hallway, as someone comes up to the office door. We've never had a problem before, but we DO support a major university in Israel. Don't worry, though. Nobody would think to target us. They would go for the New York office. They have 70 employees in that office. That's a much more strategic target."
Me: (speechless)
My Trainer: "So, What time do you want to take lunch?"

"One of the best things about this job is that you have to walk down Michigan Ave. every day or every other day, to go to the bank or check the post office box. If you time it so that you make the run around 4pm, you can get back and only have 20 - 30 minutes of work left and that will just fly by."

"We get cakes for birthdays. Or Janet cooks something. Janet likes to cook. You'll love her cakes."

"We had in [A MAJOR CELEBRITY] at our last conference. We paid him [SEVERAL THOUSAND DOLLARS], plus first class tickets from LA for him and his assistant, plus penthouse suites at the hotel, plus his dinner and meals while he was in town. The whole thing, including his speech, took less than an hour and a half. He took home [OVER FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS] for less than two hours work, most of which was spent eating a meal and getting drunk for free. I tell you, I am in the wrong line of work. On top of that, he charged a porno movie to his hotel room bill!"
"I didn't think he was very funny, either!"